Losing my transportation two weeks ago, has turned me into a pretentious snob.

After the scooter I was borrowing got ripped off, I’ve been doing a lot of walking. Oh sure I have no choice, but now I find myself sneering at all these car-driving, ozone killing, maniac, who just want to run me over as I try to cross the street.

“You lazy slobs! Get out of your oil sucking metal elephant and use the legs God gave you!”

Sure, I’d be one of those very same slobs if some aminal hadn’t made off with my ride.

Now that I’m walking everywhere, I’ve started going to the grocery store thats closest to me - Wild Oats. Yeah, the more expensive, healthier grocery store. This automatically means I’m now buying the organic milk and the fake meat veggie burgers and a various assortment of other “all natural” products.

So today I’m standing in line at the Wild Oats, reading a copy of “Adbusters” waiting for the hippie chick to tally up my basket of Boca Burgers, celery, and even some dog biscuits with “no artificial preservatives” when I realized, yeah, I’m now officially a pretentious prick.

Where I work, we have a security guard who sits behind a desk, near the elevators. I believe he may in fact, be a robot. I’m not even sure he has legs. He’s a torso behind a half circle desk. I think he might be like the original captain of the Enterprise. He rarely speaks. Occasionally I make eye contact, and feel obligated to say something like “How’s it goin?” or “How are you today?” expecting the usual “Good, you?”, a quick exchange of courtesy as I’m walking past. But when I do say something like he replies “Good”..and then after I’m 10 paces past, he continues “Real good”, which causes me to turn and say “huh?” His delayed thought makes me wonder if he has to retrieve some extra line of code from his database and it takes a few seconds to get it out.

Today I walked by, careful not to make eye contact, and he puts his hand up, as if pointing to something out in front of him.

He says “He who knows the definitions controls the debate.”
Um. What?
He repeats “He who knows the definitions controls the debate!”
Ok, he’s having a malfunction. Or worse, he’s becoming self aware! For some reason I decide to find out what the fuck is going on here.
He explains “If a professor knows all the definitions, and his students do not, he controls the discussion.” Ah..ok.. to challenge his logic functions,
I reply “Yes, and if everyone knew the definitions, there’d be no debate at all!”

He pauses, as if to process this new input.
He decides that is a a false statement and says “No, if no one knew the definitions, there’d be no debate.”

I disagree.
“If no one knew the definitions the debate could go on forever, because both sides would be making stuff up.”

Pause, click, click click…a long pause and I wonder if he’s locked up.

This time he agrees. “You are right. I wonder if the debate in the Middle East between the Israelis and Palestinians is due to no one knowing the definitions?”

My elevator is here, and I leave him with “Maybe its a translation problem” as I hop on the lift.

If he’s not a robot, I’m pretty sure that guy is not human.

Sometimes (not often) I get a big head about working in the Newspaper industry. But then I think, “shit..Clark Kent basically got a job w/ ZERO experience at a newspaper. ” Apparently they’ll hire anyone, including aliens from outer space. I guess I’m not so special afterall.

Sister Novena called me out, so now I have to do this quiz-thing.

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

Hellifiknow. But I do know most of them aren’t actually ON the computer. They’re hanging out on the external.

2. The cd you last bought is:

A CD? Like the physical plastic disc thing? shit…probably some NOFX or Me First and Gimme Gimme’s. Usually I use the iTunes store.

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?

The ATARIS are on the XM right now..”In This Diary”..means nothing to me..

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:

Nothingman - Pearl Jam
Bob - NOFX
On A Night Like This - Bob Dylan
Hollywood Nights - Bob Seger
Motherfucker - Ben Siler

(lots of “Bob’s” in that list..damn.)

Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?
Uh…BenC, Gann and um…HypoMatt. Why? because I figure two of the three will enjoy this nonsense.

We weren’t able to spend Thanksgiving w/ my family this year (mostly because we were borerline sick and didn’t want to drive 10 - 13 hours to Ohio), but I found some photos from last year when I drove up by myself..man that drive took for-ev-er.

Thanksgiving in Ohio, 2003

..To my friend Tony and his girlfriend Heather on their engagement yesterday.

In related news, there’s this and this.

I was in Pittsburgh in 2000, for the last Presidential election. I was unemployed. I woke up ..whenever, walked a block or two in the light misty drizzle to the school where I was registered to vote. I voted for Gore. I went home, who knows what I did all day. I remember watching the results roll in later that night. I got bored at home and went to the Park House (bar) to watch there. I had a few drinks. It looked like Gore had won. Or maybe not. I went home and went to bed figuring there’d be an answer by morning. Of course there wasn’t. I remember calling my friend Cassadra who was on a bus to DC. We discussed how we’d have to move to Mexico or Canada if Bush actually somehow, won. Yeah. Bush won. We didn’t move to Mexico or Canada.

Its election day 2004. I moved from Pittsburgh to Texas to Tennessee. I’m unemployed. There’s a misty drizzle outside right now. I voted for Kerry. I’m at home, and I’ll probably watch the results roll in later, then go to a Dem’ Election Party down on Beale St. (where the bars are). Probably have a few drinks, come home and go to sleep. If I wake up tomorrow and still don’t know who the next president is, I might call up Cassadra and see if she’s ready for Mexico or Canada.

We got all dressed up again for Halloween Party #2 over at Greg’s place. I wore the digital pirate outfit again, except this time, i actually put a video camera on my digital eyepatch, allowing me to video tape whatever I saw/experienced the whole night. Here’s a few highlights.

Gann’s Jello-Shot

Gann’s Hillbilly Impersonation

Tony Doing the Steve Ballmer Dance
(who’s Steve Ballmer?)

Quote of the Night

Tony Gets Handful - removed upon request

More Tony Pretending to be Steve Ballmer

Stuffin - removed upon request

Rap-off

And here’s some other pix. (more to be added later)